Archives: “Depart from me, O Lord”

For some reason, this phrase entered my mind today. I remembered it as “Depart from me, Lord, for I am a sinner.” I didn’t remember where it was, somewhere in the New Testament, so I looked it up and it is found in Luke — the book I have been studying most recently. The actual wording is a little different than I recalled: “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord.” (Luke 5:8)

What made me think of this was the conflict in actions that the man was displaying. I remembered that he both fell down to worship, yet at the same time beckoned for some distance. The act seems interesting to me because I believe it represents some emotional conflict. A desire to serve and be righteous, with some degree of outward performance even performed, but internally a feeling of inadequacy, observant of his own weakness. For me, that feeling can be overwhelming. There are times when it is all I can do to kneel, or some similar act, something simple, and yet feel unworthy to press on or do more. I want to do good, yet I feel like I cannot approach the Lord because of the mistakes I have made.

I think Jesus’ reply is interesting as well. “Fear not,” is the first part of his reply. Why does the Lord say that? What is the effect of fear and how does diminishing it at this time help? I believe that, in this same scenario of mixed emotions, that the feeling of inadequacy and failure robs a person of courage and then causes them to fear moving forward. I know in my own life, in the midst of confusion, every option seems fearful, full of uncertainty.

I also love how the Lord pronounces a prophecy regarding him (and his companions). The Lord is directly contradicting the vision, direction, capability and mission that Peter has set for himself. The Lord knows what he can become, and shares in small measure, a glimpse of that future.

It occurs to me that there’s some significance to the fact that they were on the water, a place of unrest and uncertain surface. Before they could follow the master, they had to bring their ships to land (5:11). I have noticed in my own life, that when I am uncertain and unsteady, that if I return to doing the small things (reading a bit of scripture, for example), that it grounds me, and makes me able to do more. In contrast, a sense of despair and discouragement is often accompanied by a stage of apathy.

Finally, the efforts of following the Lord may seem sacrificial, but are really beneficial, for “they forsook all”. Not only their past possessions, but their past difficulties, to be replaced with anxiety and cares and the other feelings that come in the service of others — the yoke of the Lord — completely displacing their old woes. While the actions are first, the feelings will follow.

Taking notes

I wanted to write a little bit about some of the methods I use when studying the scriptures. I have a few personal ones I like to use, such as coloring schemes, but they aren’t universally applied. I’ll cover those in later posts. The major part of all my studying can be summarized in two words: take notes. I have plain notebooks that I write in regularly, one for each area that I’m studying. And that’s it. I just grab a pen and jot down whatever I think when I’m reading.

For me, studying the scriptures has to be as simple as possible, because I tend to drift in and out of it. I need to make the barrier to entry to resuming scripture study as small as possible for myself, and I can’t make it any simpler than this: to study the scriptures, just get pen and paper and write down whatever pops in my head.

What happens is that as I take notes, it causes me to actually read the scriptures more closely than I normally would. Instead of just making it a ritual experience that I’m getting through as part of a daily routine, I pay attention, take more notes, and the cycle reinforces itself as what I write causes me to think more about the content.

The approach towards note-taking is unstructured as well, so that it can apply to different levels of study: either in-depth or simple. That is, while it’s good to have personal scripture study methods, it’s unreasonable to expect myself to meet certain guidelines all the time. Doing that pushes me away, because it feels like I can’t meet my own standard of success. I’ve found that the blessings come from the desire to learn first and foremost, and I always feel like the Lord is pleased with me if I can at least have a desire to learn. On the other hand, effort without desire makes me not enjoy or look forward to the experience.

For reading the Book of Mormon, I jot down one-liners because I’m not interested in an in-depth study at the moment. Every once in a while though, I’ll go into more detail about questions or thoughts that I had about a certain verse, but for the most part, it’s always a short sentence and anything beyond that doesn’t exceed a few lines. It works well for me. Plus, it’s fun to go back and re-read my notes that I’ve done previously. That always has the effect of making me want to study some more.

I have only one book at a time that I would say I’m “studying” in-depth. Last year, I was really into Isaiah for a few months and had covered reading and taking notes covering almost all the chapters. But then I took a break from the habit, and when I eventually came back, I couldn’t resume that old level of commitment and intensity. So, I started studying the book of Luke from the New Testament instead. And this time, in place of taking detailed notes, I decided to keep it simpler.

My approach when starting over was to document the doctrine that could be found in the verses. And that’s all — a really small method that isn’t threatening or overwhelming as I get back in the habit of studying. If I have a break, for whatever reason, I don’t put myself under pressure, and I let my expectations reset as I start over again. Over time, the level of intensity will increase to where it was before, but only as I keep it a regular process.

That’s one thing I love about the Holy Ghost, is that He is always ready to help you — wherever you are at. So a lot of times I just grab a notebook, let myself relax, and let the Lord teach me. It works. 🙂

New blog

Hello there. I’ve been writing more and more posts regarding religion and scripture study on my personal blog, so I thought it might be a good idea to start a new one just for that. 🙂

Plus, I’ve been cleaning up my old website, nephi.org. It’s long been unmaintained, and I’m interested in poking and prodding at it a bit. Right now, it’s got a few bugs hanging about, but I’m working on it in the background on a new host and I’ll have it cleaned up proper soon.

If you want to read what this blog is about, just check out the about page.

I’m going to copy my blog posts about scriptures from my personal one over to here, just so I have them all archived in one place. So there will be a lot of content, but it’ll already be familiar to some.

Comments are enabled for the blog posts, so I’d be interested in hearing your comments if you have any to share. 🙂